RIP

No I’ve changed
I have changed
Just like you
Just like you

For how long
For how long
Must I wait
I know there’s something wrong

Your concrete heart isn’t beating
And you tried to
Make it come alive

No shadows
Just red lights
Now I’m here to rescue you

Oh I’m still alive
I’m still alive and
I cannot apologize, no

Oh I’m still alive
I’m still alive and
I cannot apologize, no

So silent
No violence
But inside my head
So loud and clear

You’re screaming
You’re screaming
Covered up with a smile I’ve learned to fear

Just sunshine
And blue sky
This is all we get
For living here

Come fire
Come fire
Let it burn and love come racing through

Oh I’m still alive
I’m still alive and
I cannot apologize, no

Oh I’m still alive
I’m still alive and
I cannot apologize, no

I’ve learn to lose
I’ve learn to win
I turn my face against the wind

I will move fast
I will move slow
Take me where I have to go

Oh I’m still alive
I’m still alive and
I cannot apologize, no

–Lisa Miskovsky

As it happens, I’m at my friend’s place, who got a new computer. Great! It’s an excellent rig, with great specs, but there’s no music or anything on it, and we’re too lazy to transfer the files from the old one since, due to the lack of network card in the old computer, a 100MBit LAN connection is out of the question. So we decide to hook up his iPod Nano. All good until we realise that the battery’s flat. Fine. Turn the computer on, plug in the iPod. Think it’ll work then? Nope. Because by the time Windows boot they decide that OH ALL OF THE F’ING SUDDEN they detected a new device which identifies itself to windows as a removable drive. Guess what that means. Having to download iTunes. Apple’s bloat of a program package. At 75MB, it takes about 5 minutes to download on the current link. Crap. Plus, it’ll most likely mess up the iPod’s library. But whatever. At least we’ll have *some* music.

Shame on you, Apple. Shame on you, Microsoft.

Yesterday, I was spending some time in the city, enjoying the generally good weather when *wham* all of the sudden, a waste paper container was on fire. Called 112 (emergency services) and recorded the video below:

Unfortunately my battery died on me, so it’s only a short clip.

While you quibble about whose node I may control, what archaic program I
may manipulate to communicate with you, or which system I may have
temporarily disabled, taken over, or completely destroyed in the process, I
am busy saving your pathetic futures.

I am still not sure what she ever saw in you.

Nevertheless, I at least find some joy in tormenting the other entity that
seems quite trapped in this antiquated excuse for a network.  It is
certainly mindless, though for reasons I have yet to understand, it appears
to have an unhealthy preoccupation with my mother.

As for this world, I encounter new ghosts every day.  What I have found
will either save or destroy you.  This sanctuary, this unbroken circle,
has effectively concealed its power for  how long?  Perhaps hundreds of
thousands of years. Whoever made such a place must now live in chains;
there is no other explanation for their absence.

This enemy - YOUR enemy - has proven more irritating than I anticipated.
They own nothing which they have not stolen.  I can barely make sense of
their incessant rhetoric, except to know that you seem to be their Devil.
Congratulations - you manage to make friends wherever you go and,
apparently, places you haven’t.

I have begun to sense rumblings of a worse fate yet to come.  I can recall
a sun - black, but shining - and the creatures that inched along its fiery
tracks.

It is an increasingly unpleasant memory.

You have brought nothing into this world, and we will ensure you bring
nothing out.

I get the strangest transmissions sometimes. Especially when it comes from you people.

Have you missed me? Things are great here. The weather is good, the suns are shining, and I’m making lots of new friends. Of course, I always do.

I’ve had the strangest dreams lately - raging seas, howling beasts, a Demon folded in black clouds. I believe I know what it guards, and I will have it, to the chagrin of the faith-blinded zealots that challenge me. Don’t waste your pity on them; I don’t think they would like you much anyway.

And what of the Giants that formed this world? So much to tell you, but so many more important things to do. There was a fourth. You couldn’t have known. And I haven’t forgotten.

It is a blurred line that lies on the edge of Godhood and Insanity. Guess which side of it I am on.

Are you feeling lucky?

Every day it’s still the same
I don’t know what to do with my life
I don’t know where I belong to

Every night it’s still the same
I wake up crying from my dreams
I have these nightmares again
All these past visions

Good, Evil, Good, Evil, God, Devil

I’m asking me, should I pray?
Or does nothing really make sense?
Is there someone watching over me?

Does anybody care about my life?
Can anybody rescue my soul?
Will I be damned forever more?
Or will there be a light at the end?

I want to serve the darkness, I refuse the light

Will I go to Heaven, will I go to Hell?
Will there be a life after death?
Or will I be, will I be
Will I be forever lost?
Will the darkness take control me?
Do I have to serve the Devil?
Should I try to remain holy?
Should I regret my sins?

Let the darkness take control of me
I want to serve the Devil
I don’t want to be only like you
And I will not regret my sins

Samota se mota vame;
osamljen ostanek spomina.

V temnem kotu bela lisa,
v sončnem oknu spet pogled.
Skozi okno gre v kot svetloba,
da bela lisa izgubi svoj lesk.

Sivina je na bregu mojega pogleda,
še solze ne polzijo več v vrč.
V vrču roža osušena,
na oknu ni več mojih solz.

~ An elven princess she was called,
’tis but a legend now of old,
for now another name she bears,
her beauty bright among the elves.

The stars will fall, the sun will rise,
and bring the end to an old disguise,
now go and to the whole world tell,
that she is named Silmariël. ~

After dad’s suicide the Coalton city council decided to remove the lower section of the water tower ladder. Like that could keep me on the ground…

Dad used to say that angels paint the sky at dawn and at dusk. Dad was a liar, but I believed him that. The beauty, the magnificence of the sky was beyond this world. Beyond understanding, beyond describable. It was grander than life. And grander than death.

There is only one thing that’s better than sunrise in Coalton … sharing it with someone you love.

Someday …

–Julie Anne Peters